General Life Pregnancy

{Confessions of a Mommy-to-Be}

It took me three weeks to publish this post. It has been sitting in “Draft” status just staring at me each time I open WordPress. Today I found the courage to publish it. It’s not one of my lighter posts, so prepare thyself! {laughing} Being pregnant is hard and WONDERFUL. I truly do love being pregnant. But after a mini scare this weekend and a little glitch in my “perfect life” {laughing again} I just thought “screw it, I’m publishing it.” So here goes nothing…

I have a confession to make, well actually I have more than one confession, I have several. This is my first pregnancy. I’ve never even been pregnant before. I truly have no clue what’s going on most days. I mean I just wake up and go about my business like my body isn’t constantly changing and my moods constantly swinging. So honestly, I’m a little clueless about this entire thing. But, that doesn’t mean these strange waves of emotion and clarity don’t pass through me at the weirdest times.

  1. I’m Sick Of Crying For No Reason: I have no idea why I cry sometimes. There is absolutely no reason behind the tears. For a person who prides herself on holding it together, trying desperately to keep her emotions hidden, and her feelings off the table, I’m failing miserably right now. It’s frustrating. I cry when I pee, I cry when I watch tv, I cry in the car, I cry when I think about crying. I just cry, and I’m over it.
  2. I’m Exhausted…But Wide Awake: By 4pm – you’ve received the best Megan you are going to get all day. I’m tired, my body is tired. My back aches, my stomach is growling, I’m starting to cry at the drop of a hat, I just want to sleep. By 7pm, I’m wide awake. I’m ready to move mountains. I can’t get to sleep before 11pm. Upon waking to the sound of my alarm, I could sleep for days. This is the current cycle of my life, and it’s exhausting. I know, I know, “just wait till the baby comes.” Yea I know, I have no idea what I’m in for…which leads me to my next confession.
  3. Is Having a Child Really THAT Bad? Listen, I know that I “have no idea” but the negativity with which everyone speaks about pregnancy and children is overwhelming. I meet and speak to so many people who don’t even mention how wonderful and rewarding pregnancy and parenting can be. Nope, I constantly hear about what a b*tch being pregnant is, and how I’ll never sleep again, what a terror my children will be, how my body will never be the same, the statement “your life is over!”, and what a terrible relationship my husband and I will have for a few months. Thanks for the positive energy folks! Honestly, I don’t even think people realize they are being super negative, but they are. It makes me sad, really sad. And it’s starting to make me wonder if I’m completely naive for being excited about pregnancy, motherhood and the life ahead for Andrew and me. Because I really am, but….
  4. I Am Terrified: Ask me what I’m NOT terrified of and you may receive a better response, because it’s likely that list will contain zero items. I’m terrified something will go wrong with the pregnancy. I’m terrified something go wrong during birth. I’m terrified all of the bad things people have told me (like Andrew and I hating each other, my kid being a total PITA, my body never getting back to where it was, never sleeping again, hating my life, etc.) will all come true. I’m terrified I won’t want to go back to work. I’m terrified I won’t be a good parent. I’m terrified I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m terrified I’ll think I’m doing all the work and I’ll resent everyone and everything for it. I’m terrified…period. But you should be right? I mean this is not something to be taken lightly. This is a BIG, like MAJOR, deal. So being terrified is normal, right?

    But I hate that I’m terrified. I don’t want to be terrified. I want to stay in this ignorant, happy bliss I’ve been in for weeks now. Am I naive to want to blissfully ignorant?

  5. I Miss Andrew: I already know what you are thinking…you’d be wrong in your thoughts. Yes, Andrew is around and yes he and I still spend every waking moment together, but {tears have already started} b/c of my cervical cerclage Andrew and I can’t be intimate. BIG personal discussion point to put out there on the ole internet machine isn’t it? But I know I can’t be the only one who has been through this, and I won’t be the only one. Of course Andrew and I can do other stuff, which we have, but being really intimate is different and right now, it’s not there. I think about the fact that we still have 20+ weeks to go and it hurts my heart. I know he misses me and I’ve told him how much I miss him. I try not to think about it or bring it up {crying a lot of tears now} but it’s hard to just ignore it. But then I think about how there are much WORSE things in life right?

    I think about families who deal with military deployments. Unfortunately, my husband is laying right next to me, it just sometimes feels like he is a million miles away. So we talk about it, we figure out other stuff to do, but it’s definitely a difficult situation and I feel for those who have gone through the same. I know Andrew and I beyond strong enough to deal with this small glitch in the matrix of life, but it’s just a bummer while we’re going through it. The hormonal mind of a pregnant woman is a strange strange thing. The stories we can come up with are quite truly fit for a Lifetime TV special. But I can’t do that to myself, or to Andrew, so I just have to put my big girl pants on, be open to discussion, disappointment, fear, and above all unconditional love.

    So for all of you ladies who may be reading this, and experiencing the same thing, you aren’t alone. I know you think you are. And I know you think you can’t talk to anyone about it. But here I am…you can talk to me. Even if you don’t know me. I’ll swap stories, share tears, maybe even a few laughs. You aren’t alone. You really aren’t.

  6. I Like Being Pregnant: Yep, I said it. I’m confessing it right now. Being pregnant is fun. I know right, after everything I just said up there?!?! Yes, I still think its fun. I’m creating a human life. Every two weeks I have the opportunity to see this amazing little creature grow and develop inside of me. It is by far, one of the most amazing capabilities of females.

    For so long I thought it would never really be something I could do on my own, I even have a draft post about how if this didn’t happen on its own, we weren’t sure if we were going to go the “medical intervention” route. But alas, here I am, almost 20 weeks pregnant, building a nursery, making plans for our future, watching my body change and morph, seeing my husband become this amazing person {like he wasn’t already} with a constant glee in his eyes, and just waiting to feel that flutter, the first kick, a hiccup. I mean come on people, how cool is that?

So there you have it folks, my consolidate list of confessions. It took a lot {of tears, courage, second-guessing, etc} for me to actually hit that Publish button. Dear Lord I hope I don’t regret it.

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20 thoughts on “{Confessions of a Mommy-to-Be}”

  1. I’m not sure how old your post is, or how far along you are in your pregnancy, but I can promise
    You that once you meet your baby for the first time, your life will change forever. You will have no idea
    That you are capable of loving someone so much. Your baby will become the light of your life and you and Andrew will be completely changed people. (For the better). For as long as you live, you will do anything for your child and you won’t feel like you HAVE to, you will WANT to. You’re right, creating a human with our bodies is really magnificent, if not the MOST amazing thing a woman can do with her body. I became a mommy to a beautiful, heathly, happy baby girl about a year ago. I can tell you that it is the BEST and most rewarding thing you will ever do in your life. Hearing your baby call you “mama” for the first time, or hearing her laugh….those moments are the best. When people tell you that time flies and they grow up so fast, its the truest thing youll ever be told. So treasure every moment and take LOTS of pictures, cause they aren’t babies for long 🙂 Try to ignore all the negativity, enjoy pregnancy, and enjoy being a mommy. Its a whole different, BETTER world 😉

    1. Thank you Michelle – I’m 28 weeks today, so we’re getting so close to meeting the little one. Pregnancy has flown by so I can only imagine how quickly time flies when they grow right in front of your eyes. I’m constantly bombarded with ‘crappy” comments, but I’ve just chosen to ignore them and truly enjoy this entire journey. Thanks for stopping by and for your sweet comment. xoxo

  2. I can sympathize with so much of this. My latest pregnancy trick is leaking when I sneeze on a fairly full bladder. Getting off of the extra-deep couch is quite the circus act, too. (Just wait, I know.) I also have a not-quite-constant-but-there-enough-to-keep-me-on-my-toes fear of something going wrong. I think that’s normal and hard to avoid. I’m sorry you had a scare. 🙁

    And I am super excited to be a mommy, too, despite the things people say, and while I know it won’t always be easy, it will be totally 100% worth it. (I secretly love being pregnant, too. I guess it’s not a secret anymore, though…) We started feeling baby move from the outside just this past weekend and it is amazing. 🙂 Are you going to find out what you’re having?

    1. Oh girl, I told my husband two weeks ago that my sneezing and coughing is wreaking havoc on my bladder! 🙂 Getting out of bed is super fun huh? Good times!!

      Baby’s movements are getting stronger and stronger. Andrew can just barely feel the movement. I, of course, can feel every little thing. I told him in a week or two he’s going to be able to feel full blown kicks. He is so excited. 🙂

      We are keeping it a secret – what about you guys?

  3. You’re going to be a great mom!!! I can’t wait for Baby McBailey! Good for you for being honest. Believe me, you pretty much just echoed what every pregnant person is, or has gone through. I remember crying when I was pregnant with Ava because Mark was not organized enough. Crazy!
    I also remember venting to Mark about #3 on your post. Don’t listen to the negative people. Yes, its hard, but it’s freakin awesome!! I think people also freaked me out so much I painted such a horrible picture in my head of what life was going to be like and then, it didn’t seem so bad. xoxo

    1. *Smoochies* You rock! Thank you for making me not feel so alone and I won’t listen to the haters, just to the good mommies like you and all of the others who have given me such encouragement and positive feedback. xoxo

  4. Everyone is terrified. Anyone who says they were not is a liar. period. the end.

    I have been parenting for 13 years now and there is nothing else I want to do. I love it. Every late night and early morning and tantrum is not worth mentioning when compared to little (and then big) arms around you.

    I love my husband more now than I ever have. Our relationship has never been strained because of our kids. Never. Not even now when we just doubled to four kids. We are now and have always been a team. He is part of the reason that parenting is so great. (the fact that he is hot also adds to my happiness)

    There a ya go, girl. A little positive for your morning.

    1. Well first and foremost, you kick butt for the journey that you and your husband have taken. I just think quite honestly you are two amazing people, and I can’t imagine your children are any different (including the newly added). Thank you for the positive thoughts AND for confirming what I knew to be true, it’s terrifying for everyone.

      Hugs & loves,
      Megan 🙂

  5. I wish I could give you a big hug!! I was terrified too when I was pregnant with my first. I remember being in childbirth/lamaze class and the teacher going around the first day and asking us what we wanted to know from the class and how we felt. And I just blurted out “I’m TERRIFIED.” And everybody laughed me off like “oh aren’t you funny” but I was serious and it kind of pissed me off that they blew me off. BUT with that being said, I promise you that even though you’re scared now, it really WILL be the most rewarding experience of your life. Yes, having kids is difficult, but show me ONE important thing in life that isn’t. Becoming a mom was the absolute best thing to happen to me. So don’t let the negative nellies get you down!!! Big big hugs. xo

    1. Sigh, that’s not funny and I would have said “ME TOO!!!” bummer people can’t just fess up. We can’t be the ONLY ones right?!?! Good to know I have support from my bloggy friends. I can’t wait to be a mom and like you said EVERYTHING important in life is difficult. So who in the world even thought this was going to be easy?!?! 🙂 xoxo

  6. You Go Girl! It is unfortunate that all we hear while we’re pregnant is how ‘your life is over’. I LOVED being pregnant. It was fun! Granted by the time 37 weeks hit, I was getting very uncomfortable but I still enjoyed every minute of it. I loved this post, it was the first time I’ve seen your blog and I think I’m hooked. It sounds like you and your husband will be amazing parents! Go with your gut, always!

    1. Awwww I hope you keep reading – would love to have you come back!! And thank you for your encouraging words. Glad to see someone else who loves being pregnant – it’s super fun right?!?! 🙂 *hugs*

    1. {laughing} I mean I assumed the rest of you were crazy crying as well, but I just wanted to be sure. AND I’m floored by the number of people who were on “pelvic rest” as well. I had no idea how common it was. Thanks for making me not feeling so alone. xoxo

  7. I’m proud of you! And you speak the truth sister! I don’t know why it is so easy for people to lay out their negative experiences of pregnancy, child birth, and parenthood than all the positives. Maybe its a badge of honor or something? But I can tell you, despite all the scary stuff and all the tough and exhausting stuff, you are amazing, this experience is amazing, you learn from the tough parts, and no one, I mean no one does anything the “right” way. You do it your way the best you see fit for your baby and your family. We went through 5 different formulas until we found the right one. We borrowed different swings from friends until we found the right one to get our kid to sleep (for goodness sakes!). We used the bassinet, tried co-sleeping (for 2 nights), used the crib, slept on the couch with the kid in the bouncy, vibrating seat. It’s all trial and error and you do get a badge of honor because you created this human and you are feeding it and taking care of its needs and that, is the beginning of greatness. Love you!

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