{I am the Problem}

October 29, 2014

I am my problem | http://www.themcbaileys.com

I wrote this post three weeks ago. It’s been sitting in my draft folder staring at me. This happens to me often. It happens when I write something I’m worried people won’t like. It happens when I write something that might be a tad controversial. It happens when I put things out there I’m worried my family might get pissed about. It happens when I write from my heart and my head. It happens often.

I usually don’t push publish these. I have about 20 just sitting in draft. It’s not light, it’s not funny, it’s not even remotely satirical {which if you read my usual posts you know is most definitely out of character}. It’s real. It’s raw. It’s emotion. And sometimes, I just need to put it on “paper” and hit the publish button to make myself feel good. To make myself feel better about myself. To say that I admitted it. I took the first step. So I hit publish this morning. Here goes nothing…

It’s midnight. I’m laying in bed. Andrew is snoring next to me. I hear cat paws softly walking across the room. My heart is racing. I can actually hear my heart beating in my ears. My brain is on overdrive. The list of to-dos has become unbearable. I’m considering getting out of bed just to take care of a few before the sun rises. I don’t. I know even if I do, the list will just grow in size tomorrow. It’s no use, I’m drowning in to-dos. I have no idea when I fell asleep. I just know the last thing I thought was “I can do this. I can handle all of this. You’re okay Megan.”

I woke up the next morning and realized, I have a problem. That problem, is me. I am the problem. I have unrealistic expectations. For life, for myself, for my husband, for my daughter, for everything and everyone. Which makes me wonder, am I alone? Am I the only one? At what point do you expectations become unrealistic? Is there a tipping point I should be made aware? I’m assuming it’s a personal tipping point. But perhaps there is a general one that someone could share with me.

At any rate, I know it’s me. I know it is my expectations that are making that bubble form in the back of my throat some days. You know the one. It starts to rear its head when you are on the brink of tears. It begins with the feeling a little bit like you are going to suffocate. Instead, a tiny tear starts to form in the corner of your eyes. Your vision begins to blur a little. And then you blink them back. You get your sh*t together. And you say to yourself “SNAP OUT OF IT. You’re fine! You’re life is cake compared to other people.”

I quickly realized that day that I needed to take some of my own advice. I needed to stop comparing myself to others. I needed to start putting myself in other people’s shoes. THAT was my problem. I was overwhelming myself. I was irritated at others because of how overwhelmed I was. WHO DO I THINK I AM??? *shaking my head*

Yes, I’m busy, but so is everyone else. Of course I would have called and checked-in, but that’s me, not her/him. Sure, that was a short response, but maybe they don’t have a ton of time. Yep, that’s how I do things, but my way isn’t for everyone. No, they didn’t check on me, but that’s okay, they need me now. Yes, I’m trying to do my best, but maybe they want more from me that I just can’t offer right now. No, that doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, but maybe that’s huge in their life, so respect that. Heck yea life is a tiny series of tornadoes, but it is for everyone else too.

I’m busy. You’re busy. I’m overwhelmed. You’re overwhelmed. I’m on the brink of tears. You’re on the brink of tears. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is just trying to make it. So stop thinking your nanny quitting, husband traveling, not-so PT schedule, rash covered daughter, two-job having, not enough hours in the day life is sooooo crazy compared to everyone else Megan. It is crazy. But so is their life. Life is crazy. But life is also a lot of fun.

So today, I’m going to put on my big girl pants and smile, laugh, and not think everything is such a big deal. Because when it is all said and done, I’m only one person. You are only one person. Say it with me ” I am only one person.” There aren’t enough breaths in this lifetime to worry about some of the silly things I’ve been worrying about lately. Quit it with the unrealistic expectations Megan. Just stop. It’s not helpful and it surely isn’t healthy. I’m only one person. I’m trying, I really am. I’m trying. And that is perfectly fine.

Hugs and Love from TheMcBaileys.com

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer Nichols May 3, 2016 at 11:18 am

Hi Megan, I came across this post via Pinterest from your wedding program. This one struck me for some reason so I read it all the way through. I am in the last four weeks of wedding planning and graduation planning for my son. Needless to say I am a little overwhelmed. I need to take your advice and remind myself of this everyday for the next 4 weeks. It will all work out and it will all be okay. Thank you and I will be checking in more often. XXOO
Jenn

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themcbaileys May 10, 2016 at 11:59 am

Awww Jenn – deep breaths my friend. DEEP breaths. I know that that planning a wedding can be immensely stressful. Add to that a graduation party as well – my goodness you have to be overwhelmed. But take it from me, no one will notice if everything isn’t perfect. Because no one, except you, knows exactly how you want it to go down in your brain. You are doing an awesome job. Take some deep breaths and CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy every moment of that wedding b/c it all goes by soooo quickly.

Hugs & loves,
Megan

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Jennifer Nichols May 10, 2016 at 12:03 pm

Thank you so much. I am def working on the deep breaths and trying to get out of my own way. I know it will all be worth it and I am marrying my best friend what more could a girl ask for. 🙂

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Rachael October 31, 2014 at 4:00 pm

You definitely need to hit ‘publish’ on more posts like this! Loved your honesty and the realness of it. It’s so true that everyone is dealing with something and we all need to remember that.. always!

xo

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themcbaileys November 24, 2014 at 8:40 am

Thanks Rachel! I love seeing you so happy these days. <3 AOT, Me

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Mia @ The Chronicles of Chaos October 30, 2014 at 7:44 pm

Megan, I have so been there. That overwhelming feeling of all the things you need to do and the minuscule amount of time in which to complete them. It’s stressful and anxiety-ridden and you feel like you’re a failure – at being a friend, a mom, a wife, etc.

But you are absolutely right – you are only one person! I think so many of us set these ridiculous expectations and then get frustrated when we can’t meet them. Just take it one day at a time! Eventually, you will find a rhythm and a schedule that works for you. In the meantime, cut yourself some slack!!! 🙂 Big hugs!

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themcbaileys November 24, 2014 at 8:41 am

Cut myself some slack is the motto these days Mia, AND I LOVE IT!! Searching for that rhythm and I’m certain we will find it as some point. Until then, there’s wine! 😉
xoxo,
Megan 🙂

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Marcia October 29, 2014 at 3:47 pm

Bless your heart. I have been there and done that. You have the right idea in the end. You are putting too much pressure on yourself. Lighten up. Someone told me once (about something I was worried about and making a big deal over) “it is only a lump in the oatmeal in the grand scheme of things”. I have repeated it to myself several times over the years and it helps.
There is also a light at the end of your tunnel. It gets better with age. Less demands on you. You have experienced most everything at least once in your life and know you got through it and will again.
It is just not that big of a deal anymore. Mountains and Valleys is what life is made of. Survive the valleys and look forward to the mountains. Love you girl!
Marcia Mae

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themcbaileys October 29, 2014 at 10:10 pm

And THAT is exactly why I love you Marcia Mae. You know exactly what to say and when to say it. Love you so much!! Xoxo, Me 🙂

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Latrese Thomas October 29, 2014 at 11:51 am

Thank you for this and Amen sista! Im so glad you published this today because I needed to hear it!

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themcbaileys October 29, 2014 at 11:52 am

So glad I did too Latrese and so happy you stopped by. Say it with me: I AM ONLY ONE PERSON! 🙂 xoxo

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